Roll that beautiful bean footage!

"I don’t think that’s what’s needed to win an Oscar for me."

-Lindsay Lohan, on her decision to never do a nude photo shoot (or at least, her decision to never allow a nude photo shoot to be published).

On the other hand– fake boobs, blonde hair (and an otherwise normally striking resemblance to Frankie Muniz) and a filmography that lists gems such as this movie and this movie? She’d best start looking for a trophy case big enough to handle the masses of golden statues the film industry is quivering in anticipation to throw her way.

In other corners of teenage pop-tart glam-rock fandom, corners I don’t inhabit but admittedly watch because they produce masses of fodder for fun mockery and grand condescension (yum!)– is Lohan’s Big Competition for an Oscar, one Hilary Duff. I recently unearthed an old review for "A Cinderella Story"– the only bit about it which I remembered was the closing, the reason I went through the trouble of digging it up again in the first place:

"But if the filmmakers were in any way
interested in depicting realistic teen life (which they claim to be),
they’d take my advice and end the film like this:
Austin and Sam get together. They break up. They get back together.
Princeton rejects them both. They get really drunk at a party in a
hotel room on graduation night. They both end up at U.C. schools, but
different U.C. schools. They say that they’re too young to pursue a
long-distance relationship and decide to see other people, but still
hook up when they’re home on winter break. Austin gains a gut and gets
early male-pattern baldness. Sam is treated for an addiction to
exercise. They both lose interest. The end.
" (

The rest of the review, of course, is just as worth reading. The reviews for this movie were so collectively terrible that they pushed me over the edge of curiosity and into the pit of temptation, as confessed here. But, to my resurfacing disappointment, I never got to see the whole thing, and I’m thinking I know what I’m going to have playing in the background this afternoon as I pack up all my things. Faboo!

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