Her hair and makeup look really, really good, and the shot at 4:30 has her in such pretty lighting. The whole thing reminds me vaguely of Shakira’s video for "Underneath Your Clothes" and the guitar is reminiscent of Extreme’s "More Than Words." And though it’s borderline earworm, seeing as how I’ve had it stuck in my head for over a week now, it’s a pretty little tune.
Things that, after nine days of obsession and contemplation, I still do not get about the video for Fergie’s "Big Girls Don’t Cry":
- She’s left her dude, that guy who played Jess on "Gilmore Girls." *This* much, I get. But *why* did she leave him?
- "I hope you know," Fergie sings plaintively, "That this has nothing to do with you." She reassures him across the distance of time and space: "It’s personal, myself and I."
- And yet right after the scene outside with formerly-Jess and his gangsta homie-bros, where they are doing something of which she clearly does not approve, she begins packing her clothes. WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY DOING? (Besides messing with the car.)
- Buying/selling drugs? All *I* saw was an exchange of *money,* and god knows that a LOT of things are surreptitiously paid for with folded cash. Sex? Perhaps formerly-Jess is secretly gay, or is willing to provide homosexual services so as to fund his rock-n-roll musician lifestyle?
- So, wait. She sees him engaged in something she doesn’t like, for whatever reasons, and that prompts her to leave. HOW does this have nothing to do with him, again?
- What’s with the shot of her ripping something out of a magazine? Is this a video that can only be appreciated on a 54” HD display?
- And *what* is the *deal* with the *car*? Is it HER car? Is it HIS car? He’s shown driving it first, she’s shown trying to get the keys from him and he’s refusing in that "Hell no you’re not driving my car, you crazy dame" way. But then she LEAVES in that car. While he’s ASLEEP. And there was that shot of her little journal left on the coffee table, which might imply she was coming back, except she threw all her stuff into the car before she drove off.
- WHOA. Did she just jack his vintage-y car which may or may not have been paid for with money obtained through under-the-radar blowjobs?
- And if she *did* jack his car, then how the hell does she expect him to get to the airport? And I know she expects him to get to the airport because she *confesses*: "You’re probably on your flight back to your home town." Hope he’s got some friends with reliable transportation who are willing to come get him at a moment’s notice. Or maybe his house is on the bus line?
- Unless… is that, like, new drug slang? "Flying back to your home town" = getting high off X/heroin/cocaine? I’m not exactly in the loop with street pharmaceutical vernacular.
- "It’s time to be a big girl now / And big girls don’t cry." Yeah, and big girls also don’t try to make out with their boyfriends in their frilly underwear and act like nothing’s wrong and then five seconds later, pull a disappearing act while he’s passed out. Well. Bitchy big girls do, maybe.
- Did… her music player (slash-phone, whatever) say "Fergie" on the screen when she paused it? Wait, wait, *what* now?
- Was she composing lyrics? Was she composing the lyrics to THIS song in that litttle book, and that’s why she left it on the table for him to read? Because she knew he’d have some time to kill while he waited for his friend to come pick him up and take him to the airport? I bet that line about him already being on his flight pissed him off something good, then.
- Is she frustrated because she doesn’t get formerly-Jess aroused, because he chooses to sleep or play his guitar instead of respond to her half-naked self pressing against him? And that’s why she leaves? Because she doesn’t know if she can take being in love with a man who isn’t all that certain about his sexual orientation? Because then the whole "It’s not you, it’s me" line sort of works. *Sort* of.
- No, that can’t be it. I guess drugs? Why else would she refer to her relationship with him as "calamity" and "the dark ahead"?
- Then again, performing sexual favors for money isn’t exactly legal. And outside? In a public space? That’s certainly a violation, something about lewdness, right? Indecent exposure? Does that constitute jail time?
- That bridge: so she’s already played the "It’s not you" card. And now she’s following it by playing the "But let’s still be friends!" card? After skipping out on him and taking his car? Sigh.
*I* could use some clarity myself, here, Ferg. Or Internet. Whichever.
(Reminder: Commentaries that do not have corresponding concrete details are rendered invalid. Jane Schaffer should’ve taught you that much.)