[The space heater has been turned on for the first time this year, and I’m in the kitchen, parked in front of it]
The Wife: I can smell that.
Me: That’s the smell of CONTENTMENT!
The Wife: Or the smell of your jeans about to catch on fire.
The Wife: What’s that sound? What are you doing?
Me: Peeling an apple.
The Wife: I used to peel my apples. But then I read that apparently, that’s where all of the nutrients are.
Me: Yeah, I know. But I’m not eating this apple for nutritional content. I’m eating it for MAXIMUM PLEASURE. And that means no skin.