I don’t think people understand how vehemently I do not want more plastic bags

[at the off-campus bookstore]

"Oh, I don’t need a bag."
"Actually, I have to give it to you."
"But I don’t want it."
"It’s store policy."
[plaintively] "Really?"
[deadpan] "Yeah."

[beat]

"What if I take this out to my car, drop off the book, and bring you back the bag?"
"Uh. I guess that would be okay."

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