I absolutely hate my job.
And by “hate,” I mean “love to death,” but in that victim-of-an-abusive-relationship-“love” sort of way.
Now that I’m in her shoes, I can relate a little bit more as to why the last News Editor was always so stressed out about her section, always the last one to finish. I don’t plan on reacting to the situation or dealing with it the way she did, but– the empathy is there.
The bottom line: NOBODY IS FUCKING WRITING FOR NEWS. I have more than 10 people on my list, all of whom have actively expressed a desire to write for the paper, and what’s more, to write for the News section. I’ve e-mailed everyone several times with a list of stories I need or would like to have covered, and *one* of those stories was picked up, and I ended up not being able to use it because it wasn’t a news story, it was a feature.
I’ve been told I’m expecting too much too soon from myself, and this is more than possible given my nature– but this Monday will be my third edition as News Editor, and I’m still struggling to keep my section filled, and my writers still aren’t picking up stories.
I came home this morning, from the office, slightly after 6. I couldn’t fall asleep for another hour, then proceeded to sleep through THREE alarms which I’d set to wake me up in time to get back to campus to cover a story which I need for Monday but which no one took (one girl offered, but she would have to leave before it was over, so there was no point in sending her). Woke up twenty minutes before I needed to be AT the event– in short, I didn’t make it, but by the most blessed of chances, our head photographer went to the event and not only took pictures, but took notes as well. (I LOVE YOU, JUMMEL)
I honestly don’t know what to do if my writers don’t start taking stories. I can’t fill the news section by myself– I mean– okay, I *could,* but I’d quickly dissolve with mental breakdowns. It’s more or less happened before. Furthermore, in about two weeks, things for Sushi Roku start rolling and I’ll be even busier–
I really just want to work for a professional publication, one whose writers who get hired actually WRITE, one in which editors don’t ask their writers what they’d like to cover, they TELL their writers what to cover, and Oh!– the writers actually do it. A publication where the job comes first, not school. A publication whose hired writers don’t have to be taught how to write.
I love The Yell, I really do, but as it stands right now, I want absolutely nothing to do with being a student in terms of academic performance. I did my time. I worked hard, I graduated, I got my good-girl-Lora college degree. Now, I just want to work, I don’t want to deal with textbooks and classes and tests and essays.
Conflicting with this is the fact that, yeah, I’m still ridiculously young, and what’s more, I never threw myself into “college life” at USD. I love what’s now accessible to me through the university– the people, the sports, the concerts, the events, the buildings– and surprisingly, I love being the *News* editor, I’m all about student issues and campus happenings and investigating and covering all these things– ::sigh:: I don’t know, I don’t know where to go with this. I’ve always been passionate about school and learning, and I suspect I still am, but right now, I’m also still burned out from last semester, from last *year*.
In other news…
I’ve got this e-mail in my inbox which has been there for over two months now. I’ve never read it, never opened it… it’s a reply to an e-mail which I sent out without the desire for a response– so I don’t particularly care *what* this person has to say. All the same, I can’t bring myself to delete the damn thing. I may just move it into one of my subfolders, where it will remain in the company of three other e-mails just like it, and– hmmm– all sent by the same person.
I’m such a packrat. Why can’t I throw stuff away?
Anyhow. I’ve still got a headache, but at least I’m not ready to kill anything, or anyone for that matter…